April 30, 2012
Attention All Assholes: Jay Leno Is Still Your Bestest Buddy

                         

Dennis:  With noted racist, anti-Semite, misogynist, homophobe, drunk driver, all-around scumbag, and MOVIE STAR Mel Gibson’s recent appearance on The Tonight Show, it remains abundantly clear that Johnny Carson’s erstwhile pad is the cushiest landing any well-connected and wealthy asshole could hope for.  Of course, it’s beyond hacky to observe that Jay Leno is the most irrelevant, bland suck-up in the increasingly-passing-him-by late night firmament, but this week’s appearance takes the damn taco.  Maybe it was Mel’s cutesy-pie “I’m still just good ol’ wisecrackin’, prank-playin’ Mel!” demeanor, or Jay’s predictably weak-ass, “I’ve made all manner of pre-show agreements not to ask anything remotely uncomfortable while I smile and nod” questions, but I think this seems like a whole new nadir in lame Leno-ism.  (And KKK hoods off to the crowd for chuckling along so indulgently- "That’s a whole, real live MOVIE STAR!!  I have no long-term memory whatsoever!!")

C’mon, people.

And now, there’s this.  Leno’s gonna turn his nerf-edged debate skills on next week’s prize guest, abortive Republican presidential hopeful, noted homophobe, misogynist, and all-around born-again a-hole (just ask Dan Savage) Rick Santorum, who’ll undoubtedly settle in to Jay’s cuddly cushions, smile his cold-eyed GOP hate-smile and crack a few aide-penned gently-conservative jokes about how his atavistic fringe candidacy represents what real Americans think. 

Way to go Jay. 

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